I'm going to try to start blogging daily. I really want to bring a dose of reality to what is otherwise quite a philosophical journal. There are quite a few blogs out there who answer the philosophical questions, and do it quite well.
I want this to be about the realities of choosing "a sunnier life." What does it mean for me every day? What challenges am I facing? What am I grateful for today? How did I make my life sunnier today?
So yes, here I am, choosing again, the audaciously audra life, the passionately powerful life, the sunnier life. A long, long journey -- a lifelong journey. A journey to share, if only to have recognition of my voice, to feel heard, to think through.
16.3.09
choosing what goes in...
Our thoughts are very powerful. In many ways, our thoughts and expectations shape our day. They certainly shape our moods. Curiously, though, many of our thoughts nowadays do not come from us. We are not in control of our own thoughts.
What do I mean?
Think about all the influences that affect your thought patterns throughout the day. Some intentional, some not so much. The television, the Internet, the gossip in the cubicle over, the long chat with a friend, the conversation overheard on the subway... There's so much stuff that gets fed into our brain. A lot of it we cannot control. We cannot control if a coworker goes into a long rant or if someone starts having a huge fight on the train.
But there's a lot of input that we can control. What are you watching? What are you listening to? What do you see around you? It's important that what you see, hear, smell, and touch are pleasing, inspiring, motivating. It should be things that put you in a good mood. The people that you choose to be around should be uplifting. The television shoes you watch should not strike fear or anxiety into your heart. There's enough stress and anxiety in this world, why would you ask for any more?
Monitor what you intake for one day. See how things affect you. The subtle energy changes that you feel when you see or watch them. I myself have significantly cut back on the nightly news. It used to be a long habit, but it also was a habit of rage, frustration, anger, yelling, and hopelessness. I don't like filling my nights with feelings of rage or hopelessness. This doesn't mean that I'm not informed. I find other ways to inform myself, and also limit the amount of time that I obsess about it.
It's the same with anything. Think about your input? What are you putting into your brain? Is it stuff that is enriching your life, or just filling time? Is it putting a smile on your face because you feel good, or because you are laughing at someone else? What can you do to change that?
What do I mean?
Think about all the influences that affect your thought patterns throughout the day. Some intentional, some not so much. The television, the Internet, the gossip in the cubicle over, the long chat with a friend, the conversation overheard on the subway... There's so much stuff that gets fed into our brain. A lot of it we cannot control. We cannot control if a coworker goes into a long rant or if someone starts having a huge fight on the train.
But there's a lot of input that we can control. What are you watching? What are you listening to? What do you see around you? It's important that what you see, hear, smell, and touch are pleasing, inspiring, motivating. It should be things that put you in a good mood. The people that you choose to be around should be uplifting. The television shoes you watch should not strike fear or anxiety into your heart. There's enough stress and anxiety in this world, why would you ask for any more?
Monitor what you intake for one day. See how things affect you. The subtle energy changes that you feel when you see or watch them. I myself have significantly cut back on the nightly news. It used to be a long habit, but it also was a habit of rage, frustration, anger, yelling, and hopelessness. I don't like filling my nights with feelings of rage or hopelessness. This doesn't mean that I'm not informed. I find other ways to inform myself, and also limit the amount of time that I obsess about it.
It's the same with anything. Think about your input? What are you putting into your brain? Is it stuff that is enriching your life, or just filling time? Is it putting a smile on your face because you feel good, or because you are laughing at someone else? What can you do to change that?
9.3.09
ahimsa & going vegan
I've been vegetarian for several years, and it originated out of health. I also didn't like the taste of meat all that much. Over time, though, the idea of vegetarianism has strongly become one of love and compassion. I cannot imagine my own companions, Kinsey and Jack, being kept in a cage, milked (they're boys, but you get the drift...) or eaten. When I interact with other animals, I feel the same compassion for them. In the past year, the information that I've had my hands on regarding compassion and health in regards to veganism has substantially grown. The facts are quite atrocious, and while I won't list them here, there are numerous books (Skinny Bitch is the pop culture version, The China Study is a bit more scientific) and websites on the topic.
I've been reading the book Return to Love, and contemplating what love in my own life means. This has led to much, including deep thought, prayer, and general ponderings. But it has also made me revisit my own vegetarianism. What does it mean to love? What does it mean to do no harm? What makes me, a human, better than any of the other miracles that exist in this world? If you've ever had regular interactions with any animal, their personality shines through -- they feel, they think.
On top of that, though, I've really become intrigued with the concept of ahimsa, or "do no harm." Do our dairy practices do no harm? Do our egg practices do no harm? I imagine if I was that cow or chicken, I would think otherwise. Besides, what about "do no harm" to our earth? One of the most sacred miracles, this crazy place where everything is intertwined, every living being is dependent on another, where things half-way around the globe can affect your life right here right now.
Do no harm to others, because when you do -- you do harm to yourself. And I don't want to live like that. So today I gave up my milk, gave up my eggs, and am going to slowly start giving up my animal product clothing/shoes/make-up/etc. I want to live a life of no harm, a life of love, and this is just one more step to that place.
I've been reading the book Return to Love, and contemplating what love in my own life means. This has led to much, including deep thought, prayer, and general ponderings. But it has also made me revisit my own vegetarianism. What does it mean to love? What does it mean to do no harm? What makes me, a human, better than any of the other miracles that exist in this world? If you've ever had regular interactions with any animal, their personality shines through -- they feel, they think.
On top of that, though, I've really become intrigued with the concept of ahimsa, or "do no harm." Do our dairy practices do no harm? Do our egg practices do no harm? I imagine if I was that cow or chicken, I would think otherwise. Besides, what about "do no harm" to our earth? One of the most sacred miracles, this crazy place where everything is intertwined, every living being is dependent on another, where things half-way around the globe can affect your life right here right now.
Do no harm to others, because when you do -- you do harm to yourself. And I don't want to live like that. So today I gave up my milk, gave up my eggs, and am going to slowly start giving up my animal product clothing/shoes/make-up/etc. I want to live a life of no harm, a life of love, and this is just one more step to that place.
4.3.09
maybe we've been living with our eyes half-open...
I lost touch with something that is innately me, in the past few months, and part of this blogging process has been trying to reconnect with that. One thing that I've been meaning to do, but haven't, was create a visualization map for 2009. I read about it on one of my raw blogs that I read -- when I remember which, I will certainly give credit -- around the time of the New Year. It was someone's alternative to New Year's Resolutions. Since I know of no one that keeps their New Year's Resolution, I'm always interested in alternatives. I love the idea of starting fresh, but I love it when it means more than a resolution that gets tossed away.
So what this one blogger does every new year (agh, I wish I could remember who!) was to get a posterboard and just map out where they want to be, who they want to be, everything that they want to visualize as part of their life in the upcoming year. I've been feeling kind of bummed the past few days, so I thought it was the perfect time. I put on music that inspires me, lit some candles, and got going.
I found the process to be a lot of fun. Of course, drawing and writing in many different colored markers always helps with that. The final product is now hanging on my wall; I should take a picture at some point. Mine is full of adjectives. The funny thing is that when I describe the person I want to be, I know that I already am or can be that person, at least when I'm connected with myself and am true to myself. Having it on my wall reminds me of all the thing I am and all the things I can be. I thought about laminating it, but I like that it's just paper hanging on my wall. Paper can be changed. I can add to it as the year goes on. I can expand. The visualization can grow as I myself grow.
I highly recommend doing it. I feel closer to myself now, and more in tune with what I want from the year. I didn't do a lot of concrete things on my pretty picture, but I feel like this year is really going to be about becoming more in tune with myself, more grounded, and more well-rounded... For too much of the past two years, I've been in a box of roles. A box that has been quite limiting. But that's a topic for another time.
So what this one blogger does every new year (agh, I wish I could remember who!) was to get a posterboard and just map out where they want to be, who they want to be, everything that they want to visualize as part of their life in the upcoming year. I've been feeling kind of bummed the past few days, so I thought it was the perfect time. I put on music that inspires me, lit some candles, and got going.
I found the process to be a lot of fun. Of course, drawing and writing in many different colored markers always helps with that. The final product is now hanging on my wall; I should take a picture at some point. Mine is full of adjectives. The funny thing is that when I describe the person I want to be, I know that I already am or can be that person, at least when I'm connected with myself and am true to myself. Having it on my wall reminds me of all the thing I am and all the things I can be. I thought about laminating it, but I like that it's just paper hanging on my wall. Paper can be changed. I can add to it as the year goes on. I can expand. The visualization can grow as I myself grow.
I highly recommend doing it. I feel closer to myself now, and more in tune with what I want from the year. I didn't do a lot of concrete things on my pretty picture, but I feel like this year is really going to be about becoming more in tune with myself, more grounded, and more well-rounded... For too much of the past two years, I've been in a box of roles. A box that has been quite limiting. But that's a topic for another time.
2.3.09
building - or finding - community
The people we surround ourselves -- the communities of which we choose to be a member -- can say much about us. Who do we spend our time with? What do we spend our time doing? What are we working for?
I want to be part of a community. I am many things: teacher, friend, future wife, sister, daughter, student, vegetarian, environmentalist, feminist... But I don't feel that I am part of a community. And isn't that something that we all want? To feel as though we belong? As though there are people who share our philosophies, our hopes for the future, whose paths we might cross more than just once?
I've found that all too often, the time I spend and the people around me are not aligning with my vision of myself and my journey. The communities in which I partake are not by choice, but by habit or convenience. By the simple lack of choice. They do not reflect my values. They do not make me feel stronger, braver, brighter. In fact, they often bring feelings that are quite the opposite.
And I wonder -- why? Why am I surrounding myself with these things? With negativity, with gossip, with judgement? With fear, anger, and hate? With four walls that are ever enclosing? Fear. Fear of the brilliance that I can be, fear of facing the unknown, fear of being rejected, fear, fear, fear. Do I want to let myself be limited by fear? Why would I ever want to limit my potential in that way? Why would I ever let anyone else limit my potential?
Yes, I want to be part of a community. But a community of choice. A community that lifts me up, makes me bolder, makes me live more and more each day. Those are the communities that I want. All it takes is a choice.
I want to be part of a community. I am many things: teacher, friend, future wife, sister, daughter, student, vegetarian, environmentalist, feminist... But I don't feel that I am part of a community. And isn't that something that we all want? To feel as though we belong? As though there are people who share our philosophies, our hopes for the future, whose paths we might cross more than just once?
I've found that all too often, the time I spend and the people around me are not aligning with my vision of myself and my journey. The communities in which I partake are not by choice, but by habit or convenience. By the simple lack of choice. They do not reflect my values. They do not make me feel stronger, braver, brighter. In fact, they often bring feelings that are quite the opposite.
And I wonder -- why? Why am I surrounding myself with these things? With negativity, with gossip, with judgement? With fear, anger, and hate? With four walls that are ever enclosing? Fear. Fear of the brilliance that I can be, fear of facing the unknown, fear of being rejected, fear, fear, fear. Do I want to let myself be limited by fear? Why would I ever want to limit my potential in that way? Why would I ever let anyone else limit my potential?
Yes, I want to be part of a community. But a community of choice. A community that lifts me up, makes me bolder, makes me live more and more each day. Those are the communities that I want. All it takes is a choice.
27.2.09
Be aware of what you're doing.
The Internet and television can be really great tools, or incredibly dangerous. They can be very informative. Indeed, the ability of people to fight back against mainstream "wisdom," to begin to have their voices heard again... It rests on the Internet. It keeps me in contact with people that live far away, and brings me new friends that I would not have met. It's beautiful.
But it also can be a gigantic tool of avoidance. Avoidance of life. Of living. Of doing the things you want to do, of being appreciative of every moment, of ensuring that each day, you sleep at night with no regrets. As my personal trainer said, actually, "One day you're going to go to wake up, and your body won't listen. So you might as well have as much fun as you can now!"
Finding the balance between the two can be difficult. They say that more Americans would give up sex for two weeks than the Internet. I wonder if we should all take some time to be unplugged. Or at the least, be more aware of the ways in which we use the Internet -- am I learning something? Am I talking to someone? Is there a purpose behind my actions? Or am I passing time, in boredom, in fear, in denial? Even if we are going on the Internet to distract ourselves, we should be aware that we are doing so.
I've written about these things when it comes to television, but when you think about it -- it could be anything. Prior to the internet, it was TV. And I'm sure there are other time-wasters that we do every day. I don't have a problem with these things. As long as we go to bed at night and don't feel as if we've wasted our time. I am on a mission to be grateful, excited, and appreciative of every day. Being aware of how I use my time is just one part of that.
But it also can be a gigantic tool of avoidance. Avoidance of life. Of living. Of doing the things you want to do, of being appreciative of every moment, of ensuring that each day, you sleep at night with no regrets. As my personal trainer said, actually, "One day you're going to go to wake up, and your body won't listen. So you might as well have as much fun as you can now!"
Finding the balance between the two can be difficult. They say that more Americans would give up sex for two weeks than the Internet. I wonder if we should all take some time to be unplugged. Or at the least, be more aware of the ways in which we use the Internet -- am I learning something? Am I talking to someone? Is there a purpose behind my actions? Or am I passing time, in boredom, in fear, in denial? Even if we are going on the Internet to distract ourselves, we should be aware that we are doing so.
I've written about these things when it comes to television, but when you think about it -- it could be anything. Prior to the internet, it was TV. And I'm sure there are other time-wasters that we do every day. I don't have a problem with these things. As long as we go to bed at night and don't feel as if we've wasted our time. I am on a mission to be grateful, excited, and appreciative of every day. Being aware of how I use my time is just one part of that.
20.2.09
Gratitude
Today I realized that I have something immensely amazing to be thankful for: my health. For much of my life, I've been sick with one thing after another, ranging from colds to pneumonia to mononucleosis... Then just a general malaise that I could not seem to shake or lift.
But for the past year, I have been healthy! I have not taken one sick day that was for the actual purpose of being sick. I've had 2 colds that were a doozy, but they did not knock me out of commission, and they were virtually gone in 3-4 days, rather than 2-3 weeks. Taking the time to take care of me, spiritually, mentally, and physically, has certainly paid off, and I'm sure it will continue to.
The things I've done that I credit for this sudden change:
1) Eating a minimum of five servings fruits & veggies per day. Often higher. A lot of it is raw, but not all of it. I still eat canned/frozen fruits & veggies. I make lots of fresh juices.
2) Losing 10% of my body weight. That 20lbs. has made a huge difference. I can't wait to see what the next 20lb. loss will bring.
3) Peace and relaxation. I've spent a lot of time in the past year increasing my time for me. This time has been spent reading, journaling, meditating, laughing, hanging out in parks. It's time that is not spend doing work, not spent sitting in front of the TV, not spent wasting time on the internet.
4) Movement. Get up and move! Last year it was running and yoga, now it's been the gym & strength training. Some Wii Fit. Whatever it is, get it in. My body aches to move now, and I miss it desperately enough to keep lazy streaks to a minimum!
So yeah, that's my four keys to health and happiness. I'm sure I'll add more eventually, but those things have really made a world of difference in my life this past year, and if you're thinking about just making one change -- one of those could make the world of difference to you too.
But for the past year, I have been healthy! I have not taken one sick day that was for the actual purpose of being sick. I've had 2 colds that were a doozy, but they did not knock me out of commission, and they were virtually gone in 3-4 days, rather than 2-3 weeks. Taking the time to take care of me, spiritually, mentally, and physically, has certainly paid off, and I'm sure it will continue to.
The things I've done that I credit for this sudden change:
1) Eating a minimum of five servings fruits & veggies per day. Often higher. A lot of it is raw, but not all of it. I still eat canned/frozen fruits & veggies. I make lots of fresh juices.
2) Losing 10% of my body weight. That 20lbs. has made a huge difference. I can't wait to see what the next 20lb. loss will bring.
3) Peace and relaxation. I've spent a lot of time in the past year increasing my time for me. This time has been spent reading, journaling, meditating, laughing, hanging out in parks. It's time that is not spend doing work, not spent sitting in front of the TV, not spent wasting time on the internet.
4) Movement. Get up and move! Last year it was running and yoga, now it's been the gym & strength training. Some Wii Fit. Whatever it is, get it in. My body aches to move now, and I miss it desperately enough to keep lazy streaks to a minimum!
So yeah, that's my four keys to health and happiness. I'm sure I'll add more eventually, but those things have really made a world of difference in my life this past year, and if you're thinking about just making one change -- one of those could make the world of difference to you too.
11.2.09
appreciating your body as a complete miracle
It's been a while since I've posted, and I have far too many things to say. One of the things that I've been contemplating is how much we take our bodies for granted. We feed them crap, we lay on our asses, and we never take time to appreciate the miracle that is our body. The miracle that we carry around with us every day.
I mean, stop, think about it. No one has been able to duplicate it. There is no computer that works like the human brain, with memories and desires, on top of logic and creativity. There is no robot that can completely regulate itself -- I need fuel, I will eat breakfast.
Our muscles are amazing. I've been working with the personal trainer to really work on my strength and balancing my muscles. It's truly phenomenal -- the way our muscles can move, the way our brain can direct them, the way our bodies let us push them further and further... They get stronger with exertion, rather than weaker. And that's only one system of all the systems in the body.
So I think when we wake up, when we take our first deep breath, we should stop and think. I'm alive. My lungs are breathing, my heart is pumping, my brain is dreaming. I am alive. I am a miracle in and of my own self. This also means treating our bodies like the miracles that they are -- worshiping them with good foods, active lives, and total appreciation. None of this "I'm not this," "I'm not that." You are a miracle! I am a miracle. We should be grateful.
I mean, stop, think about it. No one has been able to duplicate it. There is no computer that works like the human brain, with memories and desires, on top of logic and creativity. There is no robot that can completely regulate itself -- I need fuel, I will eat breakfast.
Our muscles are amazing. I've been working with the personal trainer to really work on my strength and balancing my muscles. It's truly phenomenal -- the way our muscles can move, the way our brain can direct them, the way our bodies let us push them further and further... They get stronger with exertion, rather than weaker. And that's only one system of all the systems in the body.
So I think when we wake up, when we take our first deep breath, we should stop and think. I'm alive. My lungs are breathing, my heart is pumping, my brain is dreaming. I am alive. I am a miracle in and of my own self. This also means treating our bodies like the miracles that they are -- worshiping them with good foods, active lives, and total appreciation. None of this "I'm not this," "I'm not that." You are a miracle! I am a miracle. We should be grateful.
25.1.09
get off your ass!
It's been a week since I've written, mostly because I've been busy trying to get my life back on track. I've come to the slow realization that I think I've been in a subtle depression-ish existence for the past month. I'm not sure depression is really the word, "blues" might be more appropriate. Combine that with a wicked cold...
Anyways, I've been hitting the gym, and the endorphins are certainly awesome. As they say in Legally Blonde, "endorphins make people happy, and happy people just don't kill people!" Happy people also live the lives they want to live. I've been so active this week, more than I have in the past two months really. It feels good. It feels more than good. It's giving me back myself. It's taking the discussions about living from the page and helping me to put them into life. It brings clarity to the brain, energy into the body, and definitely a sound night's sleep!
Of course, I miss being active outside. Nothing beats a walk on the beach under the stars, or running on the track with a bunch of 12 year old students from your class... The sun, the fresh air, it really puts things into perspective. It's cold, though, and it can be hard to get off the couch when the air is 20, wind chill 15.
If you're stuck in my shoes, I recommend joining your local gym. In times like these, when money is tight, it can seem like such an unnecessary expense. But it is necessary. It is necessary that we let our bodies move. Our bodies ache to move each day, and far too many people I know come home and lay on the couch for hours. Get out! Get up! Run, bike, salsa, swim... Whatever it is, DO it. It will give you some zen, for just a few minutes a day, and all life changes can come from that.
Anyways, I've been hitting the gym, and the endorphins are certainly awesome. As they say in Legally Blonde, "endorphins make people happy, and happy people just don't kill people!" Happy people also live the lives they want to live. I've been so active this week, more than I have in the past two months really. It feels good. It feels more than good. It's giving me back myself. It's taking the discussions about living from the page and helping me to put them into life. It brings clarity to the brain, energy into the body, and definitely a sound night's sleep!
Of course, I miss being active outside. Nothing beats a walk on the beach under the stars, or running on the track with a bunch of 12 year old students from your class... The sun, the fresh air, it really puts things into perspective. It's cold, though, and it can be hard to get off the couch when the air is 20, wind chill 15.
If you're stuck in my shoes, I recommend joining your local gym. In times like these, when money is tight, it can seem like such an unnecessary expense. But it is necessary. It is necessary that we let our bodies move. Our bodies ache to move each day, and far too many people I know come home and lay on the couch for hours. Get out! Get up! Run, bike, salsa, swim... Whatever it is, DO it. It will give you some zen, for just a few minutes a day, and all life changes can come from that.
19.1.09
Looking forward to looking back on these days...
I've been pretty sick this weekend, with a wicked cold that has been passing around school. It's migrated from the head, to the neck, and now to the lungs. I should have used the weekend as a chance to rejuvenate, relax, and refill my soul... Instead, I have watched a lot of bad television and eaten a lot of crappy food.
Indeed, I'm a little bit disappointed in myself. This cold has knocked a realization into me -- I seem to have lost a lot of the balance that I found last year. It's been a slowly dawning realization, starting with the loss of patience that I have been feeling at work. And now sick? I haven't been sick in a year, which is quite the accomplishment for me.
And I don't think it's simply because a bad virus has been passing around the school, leaving numerous victims in its wake. I think it's because my mind has been laser-focused on one thing at a time, overwhelming myself and taking all of my attention. First, it was graduate school and doing well in that. Then it was changing the curriculum and direction of school -- hours at night.
Last Spring, I felt really good. I felt like myself. I felt like more than myself -- I felt connected, meaningful.
It was because of balance. I had balance between work and leisure, between mental activity and physical activity, between every sphere of my life in which there could be balance. I did not laze around on the couch all night, but I also did not work like a crazy person. I spent time doing all the things I love...
The problem is that I'm not entirely sure how I got there, nor how I lost that. I know that I felt amazing, and that I want to feel amazing and balanced again. I was contemplating this last night -- and realizing that we only have this one life, this one day, this one moment. Am I spending it in the way that I want to spend it? Am I doing the things that I want to do? Am I making the memories that I want to make?
The question, of course, is how do I get back to that? Perhaps I'll look through my journals, and remember the things that I wrote, the things that I read, the things that I ate. What can I do to ensure that I am LIVING each moment, not letting moments pass me by? When I am doing something, I should ask -- is this what I really want to be doing right now? If not, what is it that I want to do? How can I make that happen?
All of it adds together, the building blocks of a balanced life.
Indeed, I'm a little bit disappointed in myself. This cold has knocked a realization into me -- I seem to have lost a lot of the balance that I found last year. It's been a slowly dawning realization, starting with the loss of patience that I have been feeling at work. And now sick? I haven't been sick in a year, which is quite the accomplishment for me.
And I don't think it's simply because a bad virus has been passing around the school, leaving numerous victims in its wake. I think it's because my mind has been laser-focused on one thing at a time, overwhelming myself and taking all of my attention. First, it was graduate school and doing well in that. Then it was changing the curriculum and direction of school -- hours at night.
Last Spring, I felt really good. I felt like myself. I felt like more than myself -- I felt connected, meaningful.
It was because of balance. I had balance between work and leisure, between mental activity and physical activity, between every sphere of my life in which there could be balance. I did not laze around on the couch all night, but I also did not work like a crazy person. I spent time doing all the things I love...
The problem is that I'm not entirely sure how I got there, nor how I lost that. I know that I felt amazing, and that I want to feel amazing and balanced again. I was contemplating this last night -- and realizing that we only have this one life, this one day, this one moment. Am I spending it in the way that I want to spend it? Am I doing the things that I want to do? Am I making the memories that I want to make?
The question, of course, is how do I get back to that? Perhaps I'll look through my journals, and remember the things that I wrote, the things that I read, the things that I ate. What can I do to ensure that I am LIVING each moment, not letting moments pass me by? When I am doing something, I should ask -- is this what I really want to be doing right now? If not, what is it that I want to do? How can I make that happen?
All of it adds together, the building blocks of a balanced life.
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